Oh my little child when will you stop?

This weekend I went to Santa Barbara to see David again.What a group of interesting people I met in Santa Barbara. They were from many walks of life gathered in a quaint little house for the same purpose. To over come the ego and find everlasting peace. I could have spent days listening to these amazing beings talk about how they came to be here.

I walked away from Santa Barbara with the confirmation that there are many more like me! It’s certainly nice to be in the company of others who are stuck in between two worlds. Ok may be stuck is not the right word. Others who go back and forth from this earthly life consumed with fear and ego to the world of just being in the ever lasting NOW.

Growing up in an island I was always drawn to the ocean. I loved the ocean. I was curious about it. I admired its beauty. I wanted to play in it and wanted to be a part of it. I never expected anything from the ocean or wanted it to change for me. I just LOVED it just the way it is. I used to sit by the ocean stare at it for hours. I tried to imagine how vast the ocean is. I imagined it to be the greatest force in the world and I felt so small compared to it. I wanted to fly across the world so I could see the whole ocean at once. The wish was granted when I literally flew around the world going from California to England to Sri Lanka then to Philippines and back to California. It sure was a great big ocean. Then I started comparing this great ocean to the cosmos and to the Universe. This great ocean of mine that I love so dearly felt like a speck of dust compared to the ever growing universe.

These days I close my eyes and try to imagine the vastness of our universe. I take an imaginary flight across the universe. I am overwhelmed by its vastness! I feel so insignificant! I like that feeling. My little problems feel even more insignificant. All the worries and fears of this earthly life seem to dissolve effortlessly as I contemplate the universe (or universes). The great admiration and the unconditional love I’ve always felt for the ocean, well I feel that love expanding to the whole universe. I feel so much joy being part of it. I am full of gratitude for being able to play in it. I feel no fear and I feel no need to change this great universe to my preference. I am in love with this universe just the way it is. I experience the NOW.

I wish to live my life with that joy in my heart all the time. But then my little ego, that sneaky little bastard comes to the surface with all sorts of problems! I am exhausted by its problems and complaints. Yet I feel this strong attachment to it. Like if it was my own child. Whenever it throws a tantrum I give it my undivided attention. At times I'm able to laugh at her problems but sometimes her problems seem all too real to ignore. That's when I get cought up in this child's earthly needs. I leave my joyful loving universe to tend to its needs. But I'm tired. Oh my little child when will you stop?